Vèo một cái hai tháng đã trôi qua. càng đến gần ngày khai trương show của tôi ở gallery SCP vào tháng Tư, tôi càng cảm thấy hồi hộp. Trong nhiều tuần vừa rồi tôi chỉ tập trung vào chuẩn bị cho show này. Quá trình chuẩn bị cho tôi cơ hội kết nối với một vài nghệ sĩ khác, và những lần trao đổi với họ – dù rất ngắn gọn thôi, nhưng đã giúp tôi “mở mang” đầu óc ra rất nhiều.
| Stuart Luxemburg: nghệ sĩ làm việc với chất liệu kim loại – metal artist. Từ hồi tôi mới bắt đầu nhận đơn đặt hàng làm bóng bay gốm, một trong những ý tưởng chồng tôi có nói với tôi là làm một quả bóng bằng gốm, nhưng thay vì buộc một sợi dây bình thường vào cuống bóng, tôi có thể “buộc” một sợi dây bằng kim loại để tác phẩm của tôi trông “sang trọng” hơn. Tôi lưu lại ý tưởng này trong đầu nhưng chưa có cơ hội nào để thực hiện, cho đến khi tôi có cơ hội tham gia show ở gallery và cô Stephanie – chủ của gallery, nói tôi có thể làm bất cứ cái gì tôi muốn. Tôi trao đổi với một vài metal artists khác trước khi nói chuyện với Stu. Và tôi cũng nhắn tin, nói chuyện qua điện thoại với ông nhiều lần trước khi gặp ông ở studio của ông. Project của tôi không giống với những project ông thường làm. Và có lẽ ông coi đây là một project làm cho vui: ông không quá vội vàng trong việc phải tìm ra cách giải quyết, ông kiên nhẫn lắng nghe tôi giải thích, trình bày ý tưởng của tôi, ông cũng thử nghiệm với một quả bóng test piece tôi mang đến, và giải thích cho tôi những ưu / nhược điểm trong thử nghiệm của ông, cũng như bàn tới những sáng kiến mà theo ông có thể giúp khắc phục những vấn đề tiềm năng. Trong quá trình trao đổi, có lẽ Stu đôi khi cũng nhận thấy sự lo lắng của tôi. Lúc đó, tôi vẫn đang tìm lời giải đáp cho các vết nứt của mình. Tôi không dám chắc mình có thể hoàn thành một quả bóng nguyên vẹn để Stu có thể làm nốt phần còn lại kịp cho show. Nhưng mặt khác, tôi cũng ko thể chờ cho đến khi mình giải quyết dc tận gốc vấn đề với các vết nứt rồi mới bắt đầu làm việc với Stu. Vì vậy, tôi luôn nhắc Stu rằng khả năng ông có lời giải cho project của tôi trước khi tôi tìm ra lời giải cho bản thân mình là hoàn toàn có thể; và rằng mặc dù hơn ai hết – tôi muốn có sản phẩm này trong show vào tháng Tư của tôi, nhưng kế hoạch đó hoàn toàn có thể không thành hiện thực – ko phải vì Stu mà vì tôi không kịp cho ra một sản phẩm nguyên vẹn để ông làm nốt. Có lẽ Stu hiểu nỗi lo của tôi, và trong một lần trao đổi qua tin nhắn, ông kết thúc với một câu rất ngắn gọn: “Have faith!” (Hãy có niềm tin!) Tin nhắn này khiến tôi có thêm niềm tin vào những gì tôi đang làm. Tôi vẫn thường xuyên nhớ đến lời khuyên này. Khi tôi “hoang mang” trước mỗi lần nung men (vì lo bóng lại sẽ bị nứt), tôi lại tự hỏi bản thân: “Tôi đã làm hết sức, đã thử tất cả mọi cách trong khả năng của mình hay chưa?” Khi câu trả lời là có, thì việc duy nhất còn lại tôi có thể làm – đó là “Have faith!” ❤️ |
John Alland: nghệ sĩ gốm và chuyên gia sửa, bảo hành, bảo dưỡng lò nung.
Tôi biết đến John qua Georgies – cửa hàng chuyên bán dụng cụ, vật liệu làm đồ gốm mà tôi hay đến. Tháng 10 năm ngoái, tôi phải thay nắp lò nung của tôi. Mặt trong của nắp có một chỗ vỡ nhỏ và vì hạn bảo hành miễn phí 2 năm của tôi sắp hết, tôi gọi điện cho Skutt để xem xem họ có thể sửa hay đổi cho tôi cái nắp mới (Skutt là hãng lò nung phổ biến nhất ở Mỹ). Skutt ship nắp lò nung tới Georgies, và họ nói tôi có thể gọi cho John và hẹn ông đến studio thay nắp lò cho tôi. John là chuyên gia về lò nung, do Skutt chỉ định. Ông chuyên sửa và bảo dưỡng lò nung trong khu vực Portland. Nói chuyện với John trong lúc ông thay nắp lò cho tôi, tôi mới biết John ko những là một kĩ sư, mà ông cũng là một nghệ sĩ làm đồ gốm. Ông có bằng cử nhân về gốm; và ông chủ yếu làm tượng gốm (sculpture). John lập gia đình và có con muộn. việc sửa, bảo dưỡng lò nung là việc làm thêm để ông có thể trả tiền học cho hai cậu con của mình. Trong lúc John thay nắp lò nung cho tôi, tôi cũng nhân tiện nói về “sự nghiệp” còn non trẻ của mình với gốm, đặc biệt là công cuộc truy tìm nguyên nhân bóng bị nứt khi nung men của tôi. John giải thích rất tường tận về những giả thuyết cho những vết nứt đó. Có những điều tôi đã biết, có những điều tôi chưa từng nghe. Nhưng được nghe trực tiếp từ một người có nhiều kinh nghiệm như John: cả kinh nghiệm với đất, men; và kinh nghiệm với việc sử dụng lò – là một điều mới mẻ đối với tôi. Phần lớn thời gian trong 2 năm vừa rồi, tôi chủ yếu làm việc một mình trong studio – một phần vì covid, một phần vì thói quen. Thay nắp lò xong, John để lại business card như một cách để giữ quan hệ với một khách hàng tiềm năng. Tôi cũng cảm ơn ông về cuộc trò chuyện thú vị này, và hỏi liệu tôi có thể thỉnh thoảng hỏi ông những câu hỏi về đồ gốm dc ko. John lịch sự nói: “Of course, you’re always welcome to ask!”
Nhiều tuần sau, sau một loạt những lần nung men và các vết nứt lại xuất hiện trở lại – không theo một quy luật nào, tôi cảm thấy hoang mang thật sự và phần nào tuyệt vọng. Giữa lúc đang không biết phải tiếp tục từ đâu với những vết nứt này, tôi chợt nhớ đến John và những lời giải thích của ông. Tôi nhắn tin cho John, và hỏi liệu ông có thể dành chút thời gian trong một vài ngày tới ghé qua studio của tôi để tôi có thể “thỉnh giáo”. John đồng ý – mặc dù lịch làm việc của ông thường đã được book kín từ 1-2 tuần trước. John ghé qua studio của tôi, nhấc quả bóng bị nứt mà tôi đã để sẵn ra để John “khám bệnh”. Ông gõ gõ, nghe nghe quả bóng và kết luận một cách nhanh chóng và chắc chắn: “Đây là vết nứt xảy ra sau khi nung men, không phải nứt từ nung thô”. Ông giải thích cho tôi một lần nữa về nứt men, suy nghĩ một vài giây rồi nói: “Tôi sẽ tạo cho cô một chương trình nung chậm cho lò nung của cô. Cô hãy dùng chương trình này cho lần nung men tiếp theo. Có thể chương trình này sẽ giúp cô giải quyết dc vấn đề nứt men, có thể không. Nhưng chúng ta sẽ thử từng cách một.”
John nhanh chóng thao tác và viết cho tôi một custom firing program trên lò nung. Trước khi đi, ông không quên dặn sau lần nung tiếp theo nhớ báo cho ông kết quả. Chưa biết liệu có giải quyết được gì không, nhưng cảm thấy John cũng rất quyết tâm tìm ra lí do cho vấn đề của tôi; tôi lại cảm thấy có hi vọng và bớt mặc cảm hơn về những thất bại trong vài tuần đó.
Trong hai tuần tiếp theo, tôi làm thêm vài quả bóng để có dùng như test pieces. John có nói: ngay cả những người làm gốm giỏi nhất thì tỉ lệ thành công trong mỗi lần nung hay làm việc nói chung cũng chỉ ở 75%; nên nếu tôi nung 4 quả mà chỉ có 2-3 quả ko bị vỡ thì tôi có thể “feel good” rồi. Cách duy nhất để có thể trở nên chủ động hơn trong tình huống bóng bị nứt – đó là làm thật nhiều bóng ngay từ đầu, để nếu ko thành công thì đã có sẵn bóng dự trữ (đã nung thô) để tráng men, nung men tiếp – thay vì hồi hộp, rồi nhiều khả năng là sẽ bị “đau tim”, và “đau khổ” làm thêm bóng từ đầu.
John sau đó có nhắn tin, hỏi tôi đã thử nung bằng chương trình ông viết cho lò nung của tôi chưa. Tôi hẹn ông một tuần nữa sẽ báo kết quả. Và các bạn thử đoán xem với 4 quả bóng nung theo chương trình John viết, có bao nhiêu quả bị nứt và bao nhiêu quả ko bị nứt? Cả 4 quả đều sống sót qua hơn 24 tiếng đồng hồ nung và ko có một vết nứt. Tôi vui mừng nhắn tin cho John, và tôi cũng cảm nhận thấy sự “nhẹ nhõm” qua reply của ông. Có lẽ ông cũng “feel good” khi biết rằng ông đã giải quyết dc vấn đề lớn nhất của tôi kể từ khi bắt đầu làm bóng bay gốm.
Sau hơn hai năm tìm kiếm, tôi đã tìm ra được lời giải thích cho nỗi ám ảnh của mình: những vết nứt luôn có thể xảy ra, tôi có thể nung thật chậm để tránh ko bị nứt nhưng tôi sẽ không loại trừ dc nó 100%.
Và một bài học quan trọng khác: hãy kiên nhẫn, luôn cố gắng và không bỏ cuộc, một ngày nào đó bạn sẽ tìm ra lời giải đáp cho vấn đề của mình.
Hiện tại tôi vẫn đang chuẩn bị cho show tháng Tư tại gallery SCP. Tôi chỉ cần có 4-5 sản phẩm hoàn thiện cho show này; nhưng tôi đã dành thật nhiều thời gian làm thử thật nhiều, làm vỡ thật nhiều. Stu và John là hai trong số những người giúp tôi hoàn thành show của mình – mà nếu không chia sẻ câu chuyện của tôi về họ trên blog của mình thì tôi sẽ chẳng có dịp “credit” họ một cách trọn vẹn. Họ là những người đã dạy tôi những bài học về gốm, về nghệ thuật, về sự khiêm tốn, về cuộc sống. Đây đều là những bài học “kinh điển”, nhưng rất thường xuyên chúng ta cần được nhắc nhở để luôn chăm chỉ, luôn cố gắng – luôn tin vào những điều tốt đẹp, những điều kì diệu trong cuộc sống.
Hẹn gặp lại các bạn vào tháng Tư – hi vọng là với nhiều tin vui về show của Đất Sét!
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